Inspiration Thursday

by thecraftaholic

Today, I remembered my post a few weeks ago, when I promised myself I’d be working in my art journal more, and helping you with journal prompts. So this week’s inspiration thursday is hopefully not going to be alone and lonesome, and will be the second in my weekly series of journaling and journal prompts.

This week I created a spread based on a conversation I had with someone. I was chatting with someone about the things I’ve endured as a child, and as an adult, and something they said, really got to me. The woman blurted out, wow you’ve been through hell! And to that, I said, well I suppose I have. Anyway, it made me proud of me.

I may not be perfect, but I know I’m a good mother, and I know I’ve come out of what I went through in a positive way.

Things I am proud of: my daughter Dakota, and the baby in my belly, my art, my blog, and my poems, my marriage, and my art group.

I mean….I don’t like to brag, but you know…I feel like I came so far, so very far in life.

When  having this conversation, the woman asked me how I came out of it in such a sane manner, and I told her the truth; I do not know if I believe in god, but I do know that I felt at times like something was carrying me through it. It could be the owl spirit. It could be some idea or notion of a god. Or it could be my determination to just get through it. Somehow I had convinced myself that I was meant to get through that hell alive. I knew it. I had to be strong. I had to be tough.

Anyway, I got through it. I didn’t just get through it, though. I have a child that I do NOT ever strike not ever not for anything in the world, nor do I need to raise my voice at her. I am not repeating the cycle in any way.

I married ONE person-my soulmate. I told him once that I think I’ll be like Yoko Ono if heaven forbid anything ever happen to him. You just…can’t have what we have, twice in one lifetime. At least, that’s how I feel about it.

I am proud of myself for breaking the cycle, and for not following in the stupidity that I was raised with. I am proud of myself for standing up for myself.

Anyway, I know I’ve been awful chatty lately. I normally stick to the art and that’s that. But lately I just have a lot to say. It could be my being pregnant that did it.

What things are YOU proud of? Why don’t you work in your journal today, and write down the things you’re proud of about yourself and your life.

I wrote a poem, actually. I hope you like it.

To the person who hurt me the most,

I

used to be

afraid of you

scared and

I actually believed you

when you told me

I was nothing without you

worthless

without you, yes

I

used to be used

to you

your threats and your way of making everyone around you

walk on eggshells

I used to be used to you

and the way that you’d make me cry

I used to be used

to the feeling of being alone

I used to be

and I used to be used to you

and the feeling that perhaps you where right

that perhaps

I was

worth nothing

and when you’d call, I’d

jump and answer the phone

in fear of you

I used to be afraid of you

and the way you’d prance about

with a belt around your neck

and your threats

and your angry way

I

used to be

in fear

of you

BUT

I

I’m not used to you anymore

and your phone calls to me, with your empty promises and falsey broken heart

do not make me

afraid of you

anymore, I

found

strength where there was no strength, I

found hope where there was no hope, I

found something within me,

that gave me

the strength to move on, and that something

 

is the absense

 

of you

 

PS. –> Help FUND my CAUSE!

The Craftaholic

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