Today, I remembered my post a few weeks ago, when I promised myself I’d be working in my art journal more, and helping you with journal prompts. So this week’s inspiration thursday is hopefully not going to be alone and lonesome, and will be the second in my weekly series of journaling and journal prompts.
This week I created a spread based on a conversation I had with someone. I was chatting with someone about the things I’ve endured as a child, and as an adult, and something they said, really got to me. The woman blurted out, wow you’ve been through hell! And to that, I said, well I suppose I have. Anyway, it made me proud of me.
I may not be perfect, but I know I’m a good mother, and I know I’ve come out of what I went through in a positive way.
Things I am proud of: my daughter Dakota, and the baby in my belly, my art, my blog, and my poems, my marriage, and my art group.
I mean….I don’t like to brag, but you know…I feel like I came so far, so very far in life.
When having this conversation, the woman asked me how I came out of it in such a sane manner, and I told her the truth; I do not know if I believe in god, but I do know that I felt at times like something was carrying me through it. It could be the owl spirit. It could be some idea or notion of a god. Or it could be my determination to just get through it. Somehow I had convinced myself that I was meant to get through that hell alive. I knew it. I had to be strong. I had to be tough.
Anyway, I got through it. I didn’t just get through it, though. I have a child that I do NOT ever strike not ever not for anything in the world, nor do I need to raise my voice at her. I am not repeating the cycle in any way.
I married ONE person-my soulmate. I told him once that I think I’ll be like Yoko Ono if heaven forbid anything ever happen to him. You just…can’t have what we have, twice in one lifetime. At least, that’s how I feel about it.
I am proud of myself for breaking the cycle, and for not following in the stupidity that I was raised with. I am proud of myself for standing up for myself.
Anyway, I know I’ve been awful chatty lately. I normally stick to the art and that’s that. But lately I just have a lot to say. It could be my being pregnant that did it.
What things are YOU proud of? Why don’t you work in your journal today, and write down the things you’re proud of about yourself and your life.
I wrote a poem, actually. I hope you like it.
To the person who hurt me the most,
used to be
afraid of you
I actually believed you
when you told me
I was nothing without you
without you, yes
used to be used
your threats and your way of making everyone around you
walk on eggshells
I used to be used to you
and the way that you’d make me cry
I used to be used
to the feeling of being alone
I used to be
and I used to be used to you
and the feeling that perhaps you where right
and when you’d call, I’d
jump and answer the phone
in fear of you
I used to be afraid of you
and the way you’d prance about
with a belt around your neck
and your threats
and your angry way
used to be
I’m not used to you anymore
and your phone calls to me, with your empty promises and falsey broken heart
do not make me
afraid of you
strength where there was no strength, I
found hope where there was no hope, I
found something within me,
that gave me
the strength to move on, and that something
is the absense
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