(note: photo by Rita Rivera)
A person never truly gets over the pain of losing someone. You may or may not know, that my brother passed away when I was sixteen years old. He and I shared the same father, very curly hair and brown eyes.
He was such a cool guy. I always looked up to him, even though his loud music annoyed me. My mother did a good job of keeping us apart, but he still had a special place in my heart. I love him. I miss him.
You know, he was the one person who understood me, who “got” me. You know?
I’m going to share a poem I wrote for him. I was thinking about how time passes, and over the years, you fear forgetfulness when mourning the loss of a loved one. You think, I just don’t want to forget the little things. So this poem is about the little things.
It’s called, “A Dirge On Forgetfulnesss”
think of you
eighteen years later, I
am almost haunted
eighteen years later, I
remember the smell of your colonge down the stairs, you
always left a trail
loud music, I
must confess, I
try to remember the little things
I wish I could show you my daughter, she
reminds me of you
just a bit
wonder where you are
do you know
what life is about,
tel me the secrets that lay beyond the grave
tell the path to enlightment
tell me if there is a god in heaven
tell me Johnny
years later, I
remember your New Jersey accent, your
curly brown hair cut short, your
that tattoo on your arm, I
thought it made you look so cool…
I write scores and scores of dirges for you,
so as to not forget
the little things
I don’t want to forget
how much I looked up to you, or
how cool I thought you were
don’t want to forget
that it rained that day that we buried you
that I wanted to be buried with you
So Johnny, these dirges I write for you
in hopes that you also
don’t forget about me
you may roam.
I wrote the things I did, because as a child, I would always think about my grandmother (who passed on when I was just about 5 or so), and think about how she must be sitting somewhere with all the secrets to life and spirituality. As a child, I marveled and wondered about life after death.
If you’re thinking about death today, or mourning the loss of someone, why not write about it in your journal? Draw, write, collage, and reexamine how it makes you feel.
Death has a funny way of bringing out feelings you never thought were there.
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